Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Frat Boys

A friend of mine, Chris Miller, is the ultimate frat boy. The frat boy's frat boy. Look up 'frat boy' in the dictionary and you'll find his picture there.

A former National Lampoon and Saturday Night Live writer, he wrote the movie 'Animal House', based on his own fraternity experiences. We became friends through our kids - his son and my stepson have been best friends since preschool; they are now college sophomores. He has an encyclopedic knowledge and appreciation of jazz, rock, blues and reggae, is a science-fiction fan, as am I, and is one of the few people I knew who actually knew of and appreciated Don & Dewey, who I played with for years. Cool guy.

When the Kowboy was first running for office in 2000, I remember talking with Chris about him. From what I had learned about him during the primaries, I was underwhelmed. "He's just an overgrown frat boy," I said to Chris.

"Hey!" he said. "What's wrong with frat boys? I was a frat boy!"

"Nothing is wrong with frat boys as long as they're in college, where they belong," I replied. "But would you want a frat boy like you and your buddies were back then to be in charge of the free world?"

He thought about that for a minute. "You may have a point," he said.

He has just written a book called The Real Animal House: The Awesomely Depraved Saga of the Fraternity That Inspired the Movie, and he e-mailed me yesterday to tell me that he was going to be on the O'Reilly Factor that night to talk about it with none other than the Splotchy One himself. Apparently BOR was hidden away in an undisclosed location (perhaps the S-Ps were after him) but nevertheless he intended to poke his liver-spotted puss out long enough to interview my pal.

Now, I must admit that I am not exactly what you'd call a regular Factor watcher. In fact, I can say with some accuracy that my retinas have never been assaulted with that particularly grisly visage on the TV. I'm careful to limit my exposure to him to the clips that Stephanie Miller plays in the morning - sloppy seconds is all I can handle from him. But for Chris I would heroically make an exception.

It was worth it, though - this was an O'Reilly I had never seen before. He was practically babbling. It became embarrassingly obvious that the secret desire of BOR's shriveled little raisinish heart was to have been a cool frat boy in college, instead of the antisocial, irritating, splenetic little weasel that he must have been. He was lovin' on Chris like a drunken co-ed. I was waiting for him to ask Chris for his phone number, or did he maybe wanna hang out sometime, y'know - get crazy.

I hope nobody has the heart to tell him that Chris is an S-P.

On second thought, I hope somebody does.


DivaJood said...

Oh, my god. I hope you YouTubed it! How did Chris do?

Alicia Morgan said...

Unfortunately, I have no idea how to YouTube anything (wah.)

If anyone does, I'd love to know!

Chris was great. The Splotchy Sex Offender was asking him stuff like "So...do you still get money from Animal House? So...was it as great as it was in the movie?" He is just in awe of someone who not only had a wild and crazy sex thing going on in college, but who actually got money and fame for writing about it, unlike him, who had to make up a disgusting underage crack whore scenario for his miserably bad 'novel', and who had to pay millions of dollars for his little phone-sex harrassment deal.

TFLS said...

Alicia honey - that was the most succinct dissection of the great giant head's personality I have ever read! Superior - truly superior. You are a goddess! And I'm so happy your friend was able to use BOR's show to advertise his book. You both are right, by the way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with frat boys (I considered them breakfast food when I was in my 20’s :)) - as long as they're not running the country!

Alicia Morgan said...

'Breakfast food' - I love it!

The Falafelous One apparently has a serious man-crush on Chris. So if he can make a little hay, more power to him!

I begged Chris to spit in his coffee for me. He said he'd pee on his trouser leg, but I don't think he actually got close enough. Maybe next time...

Pursey Tuttweiler said...


How hilarious, your post and Fat Lady's comment has me rolling on the floor. I will buy this book for my beloved for Christmas.

Splotchy one falling in love with our friend is too rich. Too much. I better go tap a quick bed rest, either that or drink more coffee.

oldwhitelady said...

Animal House was a great movie. This book sounds like something I'd like to read. I'll have to make sure to find it!

Anonymous said...

Please pass this along to Mr. Chris Miller.

In Kitty Kelley's unauthorized biography of Geo Busch, "The FamilY" she interviewed a couple of the members of his Yale fraternity and to a man they agreed that while at Yale the character Busch most resembled was Bluto from Animal House, who at the end of the movie is declared to be a future US Senator.

Scary how Life Imitates Art, huh?

Here's a pic of Georgie Porgie from his Yale days that tells you everything you'll ever need to know about his character: http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/t/Y/bush_yale_righthook.gif

He plays dirty, always has, always will.

Anonymous said...

Ooopsies, bum link, I hate when I do that.


That should come up, and while I'm here let me add to this by saying that what you are seeing in this picture is *not* an isolated incident for George Busch.

George Bush, despite his hard-partying ways of his youth was not only a fierce and aggressive jock but he also had a rep for playing dirty at every sport he played ever since he was a kid. There's bunches of stories out there about this behavior of his and after a while you realize that it's a pattern with him.

So why would he play the game of politics any different?

He doesn't and never has and never will and it finally looks as if the American people are getting fed up with him and this lack of sportsmanship of his, blown the whistle and cried foul.

Took long enough.