Sunday, February 19, 2006

Republican/English Dictionary

From the Reality-Based Community...

Confused? Is the language barrier keeping you from understanding Republicans? Mark Kleiman offers this handy guide:

In case you've been having trouble recently in deciphering speeches and news reports:

*alternative energy sources/ n./* New locations to drill for gas and oil.

*bankruptcy/ n./* A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

*"burning bush"/ n./* A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

*Cheney, Dick/ n./* The greater of two evils.

*class warfare/ n./* Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

*climate change/ n./* Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

*compassionate conservatism/ n./* Poignant concern for the very wealthy

*creation science/ n./* Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental

*DeLay, Tom/ n./* Past tense of De Lie

*extraordinary rendition/ n./* Outsourcing torture

*faith/ n./* The belief that the Beatitudes include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the warmakers."

*free markets/ n./* Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense

*girly-men/ n./* Males who do neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women

*God/ n./* Senior presidential adviser

*growth/ n./*
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

*healthy forest/ n./* No tree left behind

*honesty/ n./* Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., "Freedom is on the march."

*House of Representatives/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to
$5 million (See Senate)

*laziness/ n./* When the poor are not working

*leisure time/ n./* When the wealthy are not working

*liberal(s)/ n./* Followers of the Antichrist

*No Child Left Behind/ riff/.*
1. There are always jobs in the military
2. The rapture

*ownership society/ n./*

1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth
2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners

*Patriot Act/ n./*
1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us

*pro-life/ adj./* Valuing human life up until birth

*Senate/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million

*simplify/ v./* To cut the taxes of Republican donors

*staying the course interj./ Slang/.* Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results. (See: insanity.)

*stuff happens interj./ Slang./* I don't have to live in Baghdad.

*voter fraud/ n./* A significant minority turnout

*woman/ n./*
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place

Monday, February 13, 2006

A Question

When there is a shooting incident of any kind - accidental or not - is it customary to check alcohol levels? What is the normal procedure for a hunting gunshot incident?

Could that have anything to do with why 18 hours elapsed before anyone official was notified?

I'm just asking.

Float, Float On

Saturday, February 11, 2006