Monday, September 05, 2005

How To Get A Job In The Bush Administration

Good morning, sir - what can I do for you today?

Well, I'm here to apply for the FEMA management post - I heard there's an opening.

Very good, Mr. - uh, I didn't catch your name...

-- Doe, sir - John Doe.

Yes, well, uh, Mr. Doe, how did you hear about this position?

Word gets around, you know...(wink, wink)

Oh yes; that it does! Well, I see here on your resume that you and our president are old friends -

-- Oh yes, we are! --

and the two of you have had some good times together...

You've got that right! Wooh! Some of those late nights down in the French Quarter...you know how young men are...

Yes, sir, indeed I do. And it seems you've helped him out of a jam or two...

Boy, have I! And he told me, "I owe you big time, fella! Anything I can ever do for you, John..."

Yes, I'm very sure he did. And I see here that you've contributed quite a bit to his various campaigns over the years...quite a bit!

Well, my daddy always told me if I support my friends now, they'll support me later...

Very good advice, I'm sure. Well, I have to say that your qualifications so far look excellent.

Thank you, sir.

You seem like exactly the sort of guy the President wants on his team.

I'd like to think so, sir.

So let me just breeze through the rest of your resume - merely a formality, you understand...

Of course, sir.

Oh, wait a minute..what's this about you working for an Emergency Management Agency?

Well, yes, sir...I have quite a bit of experience in Emergency Management; I spent ten years in the field and received great job reviews. That's why I applied for the position, and naturally, I thought...

I'm sorry, son, but I'm afraid we can't use you here.

But, I...

Do you have any experience in international banking?

No sir, I'm afraid I don't - actually, I've been bankrupt several times, and I'm up to my eyeballs in debt again. I don't have the least clue how to handle money, but...

Excellent! Why don't you go and see Bob in International Banking - I'm sure the top position there would be just right for you!

Thank you, sir...

8 comments:

ae said...

Alicia, I always suspected this is how it went, and now here's the proof!

Alicia said...

I can think of no other explanation...

oldwhitelady said...

I have to agree with your scenerio, too. It's a perfect fit!

Comandante Agí said...

The Bushism of the week: "You're doing a great job Brownie!"

Bush must really like horses if he appointed the Arabian horse guy to head up FEMA.

Alicia said...

Well, he recognizes a fellow [Horse Ass]ociation person when he sees one...

Cricketina said...

LP & J keep mentioning your blog, I figured I'd stop in to see what all the racket was about. Glad I did. This stuff is incredible. When the whole world crumbles around us, there will always be biting humor to keep us going! ;)

Alicia said...

Thanks, Cricketina - welcome to Hooterville! If I didn't laugh, I'd be crying all day, I swear!

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