Tuesday, August 23, 2005

How Patriotic Are You?

Do You Love America Or What?

The Department of Homeland Security today issued a directive that the Administration claims will aid in making a distinction between 'Patriots' and 'Terrorists and their Sympathizers'. An addendum to the Patriot Act, it's known as the Patriot Suit Act, and it states that
"All Patriotic Americans will wear the 'Patriot Suit' to distinguish them from 'Non-Patriots', meaning 'Terrorists and their Sympathizers'. This will eliminate the need for airport screenings, racial profiling, and other heretofore-ineffective and expensive methods of securing our Homeland, and simplify and streamline the identification of subversive elements in our society."
Starting September 11, 2005, in honor of the Twin Tower attacks, all Patriotic Americans will be required to wear the Patriot Suit to identify themselves as Red-Blooded All-American Patriots. The suits will be issued (for a nominal fee) to all Americans following a complete FBI background check, a cavity search and the swearing of a Loyalty Oath. There are 2 suits, one for men and one for women, and smaller versions of both for boys and girls. (Note: Men may only wear the Man Suit, and women may only wear the Woman Suit. Any deviation from this will result in the loss of your suit, and subsequent identification as a Non-Patriot.)

The Administration is confident that the Patriot Suit Act is the answer to our Homeland Security needs, and suggests that you sign up for yours today, while supplies still last. Don't be labeled a 'Non-Patriot'!

(thanks to Agi T. Prop at Agitprop, via the incredibly Patriotic Helen Wheels at Just Ain't Right for the photo!)

Also, it goes without saying that all items and accessories belonging to the Patriot Suit must be worn at all times. Woe betide you if you are caught out without your Patriot Suit Butt-Pack...

No comments: