Thursday, December 14, 2006

Chuck Norris Facts

I know this is totally off-topic, but this is the funniest site I've seen in a long time. I have gotten a 'kick' (get it?) out of Chuck Norris since the 70s, but there seems to be a resurgence of all things Chuck, and my 15-year-old son turned me on to this great site of Chuck Norris facts.

Here are a few:
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
  • Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  • Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
This is just the tip of the iceberg that is Chuck Norris Facts. Go now.

Yes, I know he's a right-winger. It's still funny.

Had to add this one:

  • Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.


Pursey Tuttweiler said...

Ick, Chuck Norris makes me sick. He is good buddies with Hairspray Perry, the action figure who was a cheerleader but now he is the Governor of Texas.

Alicia Morgan said...

Oh, he's gross - no doubt about it. I didn't know that he was palsy-walsy with Governor Aqua-Net, but it's not surprising.

Agi said...

Nothing will ever surpass the greatness that is Walker, Texas Ranger.

ddjango said...

Nice catch, Alicia.

This a riot!

Not quite as funny, but . . .

Chuck Norris looks at his hair and says "part", and it does.

Anonymous said...

Ya know, the Chuck is blogging (kind of) over at Wingnut Daily.

My personal favorite?

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Alicia Morgan said...

Commandante - that is a hellacious clip.

Alicia Morgan said...

ddjango - thanks! There are so very many Chuckisms out there, it's hard to keep up with them all.

Alicia Morgan said...

TLC - thanks for the heads-up on his blogginess. Kicking ass for Jesus!