Saturday, August 18, 2007

While You're At It, Why Not Pardon Padilla?

Hey Dubya...

You've certainly shown me what 'compassionate conservatism' is all about. Now that you're the 'Commuter-of-Scooter', I think I finally get what you've been saying all along. You really do have a big, soft, wet, warm, squishy ol' heart in that manly, puffed-up chest of yours.

For the longest time, I thought you were just kidding us about that 'compassionate conservative' stuff you were so on about in the debates when you were first running for office. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't believe you at first. I doubted your bona fides. In fact, I must confess that I doubted you at every turn. When, after your ascension to the Presidency, the 'compassionate conservative' talk seemed to turn off faster than Dead-Eye Dick's trigger-finger after a few brewskis, I began to despair of any real compassion coming from the direction of the White House. In vain I watched and waited, and hoped for a glimpse of that famously big heart of yours - the one that showed so much kindness and mercy when confronted with the awesome power of the death-penalty that you so reluctantly wielded in Texas as governor, when you showed such Christian compassion for your sister in Christ, Karla Faye....oh, wait - never mind.

Anyhow, these last 7 years I've been eagerly awaiting the real George W. Bush - the one my friends told me didn't exist. Oh, sure, I got a little preview when Terri Schiavo needed your help, and you were right there without a moment's hesitation - flying out in the middle of the night and signing special legislation to see that justice was done. And then, when Hurricane Katrina hit, and you dropped everything - right in the middle of your hard-earned vacation, no less - and rushed to the rescue of that unfortunate city, and....oh, wait - never mind.

And the way that you comforted and supported the grieving families of the soldiers that you sent off to die so very nobly, and went to each and every funeral, weeping right along with...oh, wait - never mind.

And the way that you're dedicated to making sure that the soldiers that come back, having given their limbs, their families, their sanity - everything that makes life worth living - have the best medical care, benefits, education, and support in picking up the pieces of their lives after returning to a country they no longer...oh, wait - never mind.

Anyhow, you get my point. I had almost given up hope for your 'compassionate conservatism'. I thought it was just empty rhetoric, designed to trick the unwitting into voting for you.

O, me of little faith.

And then, you showed me who you really are. How wrong I was. Why, when you commuted the sentence of Scooter Libby, that's what showed me the real you. You knew that he'd suffered enough. The annoyance, the disruption of his schedule, the nagging demands for truth. Having to give up several weeks' pay. The embarrassment. The irritation. The prolonged aggravation. And, like the compassionate conservative you are, you stepped up and made it all go away. You just waved that clemency wand and - poof! - two years' worth of justice - gone!

So it is with joyful anticipation that I await your next step - pardoning José Padilla! You've shown how understanding you can be. So, naturally, you'll be anxious to alleviate the suffering of this man who was held without a lawyer and tortured for 3 years before he got the trial he was entitled to under the Constitution, and then convicted of something entirely different than what he was ostensibly held for. Heck, you hold onto somebody long enough, you're bound to come up with something to hang on him! But don't let me keep you, sir. I know you've already got pen in hand, ready to make things right. That's how you roll.

If Padilla had a mind left, he'd probably really appreciate it!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Shut Up, Newt. Just Shut Up. Please, For the Love of God, STFU.

(update - many thanks to Blue Gal and to Mike at Crooks and Liars for the mentions!)

Why the f*** does anybody give a rat's ass about anything that overstuffed, festering pustule, that pathetic, bloated bag of helium has to say? I use the Google and this is what comes up:

Who cares about what that pompous, self-worshipping blowhole thinks? "Gingrich rips Bush"? Are you kidding me? Gingrich "sickened"? Yeah, Newtie, me too - sickened by hearing your name and seeing your roly-poly squeak-toy of a face on TV and the 'news'. "Gingrich prescribes change for GOP"? Dr. Alicia has got a prescription for you, Newt - take a fistful of Thorazine and STFU in the morning. One of the most ridiculous articles is "Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich Addresses Investors on Winning the Future Under the Next Administration" - chock-full of tasty little Newt-nuggets such as:
--"If you are thinking about the next 20-30 years, barring a major war,the human race is going to continue to get richer at somewhere between 3-5 percent a year unless politicians screw it up."
-- "We are in a genuine world market, whether we want to be or not, and the only thing we're deciding is whether the jobs are in the US or the jobs are overseas. But we are not deciding whether or not there are jobs."
-- "You should calculate on a 4 to 7 fold increase in scientific knowledge over the next 25 years ... that is, we should have 4 times as much science in the next 25 years as we had in the last 25 years."

Come on, now, Professor Newt - did you really say "4 times as much science"? For realz? As if the phrase 'calculate on a 4 to 7 fold increase in scientific knowledge over the next 25 years' is too difficult for the morons you're addressing to understand? "The human race is going to get richer"? Yeah, you mean you and your buddies. "Whether or not there are jobs"? Wow, Newtie, that's deep. Real deep.

By the way, if you haven't picked up on that nifty little catch-phrase 'Winning the Future', don't worry; you'll be hearing it enough soon. That's his exciting new Luntzified™mantra that he eagerly anticipates shoving down our throats. Incredibly, he believes that the electorate will come clamoring to his door, begging for the leadership and wisdom that only Newt, the erudite and far-sighted Newt, can give.

Gee, Newt, haven't you done enough with your "Contract on America"? Do you have to come around stinkin' up the joint again? Aren't you satisfied with pissing in the well of bipartisanship, and destroying any modicum of civility across the aisle? Aren't you content to be a walking, talking sack of moral and ethical hypocrisy? A pudgy, putrid pile of pseudo-pious pontificating? I thought we were finally done with you and your excrescence.

But, noooooooo! Like a cur inexorably drawn to the site of his spew, ol' Newtie is slithering back, slavering for sloppy seconds at the trough. And, even worse, the press is egging him on, giving his ludicrous blather the patina of respectability, encouraging his ridiculous belief that he, and only he, is the American people's choice to lead them in 2008.

Although ordinarily, I'd be saying, "Run, Newtie, run!" just for the kicks of watching him make a complete and total ass out of himself, I wonder...what if, just what if...the fix is in for a Republican victory?

In my nightmares, I see Newt at the swearing-in ceremony - pink, sweaty and smiling that gecko smirk of his, with his hand on a Bible (which immediately dissolves into a smoking pile of goo), while standing next to him is the only man fit to serve as his second-in-command...

Tom DeLay.

I wake up screaming.

"Winning the Future"? You forgot to put the 'Ru' in front of it, Newt.

Please, I beg you - go back to Bizarro-World, where black is white, up is down, good is bad, and you're brilliant, handsome and beloved. We'll all be happy then.

But leave us Americans in Reality-World alone. There's no room for you here.

Update: There's actually a site called ''. I think that's an excellent idea. A few months in the desert heat in camos will do wonders for his figure.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

All Over For Rover? Looking Back: A Photographic Retrospective

Personally speaking, I'd rather have him in the White House where we can keep an eye on him. He's bad enough with a veneer of 'accountability' - imagine him unfettered, in the shadows...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Hey Dems - Why Can't You Be More Like Bush?

Don't bother refreshing your page. You heard me right.

These are words I would have bet my last nickel that you would never hear from my lips (or fingertips), but here I am, and here they are.

We'd be a whole lot better off, it seems to me, if the Dems in Congress could pick up some of the Kowboy-in-Chief's sterling traits. If the Dems had some of that mule-stubborn intractability - uh, I mean, strength of character - they would still be sending him that spending bill until he agreed to start bringing troops home.

If the Dems in Congress believed in the rightness of what they were doing like God's Best Li'l Buddy does, they would not have rolled over on that grotesque mockery of the Constitution that is the 'new and improved'® FISA bill (now with more scrubbing bubbles!)

If they had the sense of superiority and entitlement that allowed them to utilize the power inherent in their office with impunity, Samuel Alito would not be on the Supreme Court, and John Roberts would not be Chief Justice.

If they had one fraction of the stones of this arrogant, pig-ignorant, swaggering, self-aggrandizing, strutting banty-rooster, Harriet Miers would be cooling her heels in the clink along with Scooter Libby, closely followed by Abu 'No Pain, No Gain' Gonzales, and Karl Rove would be on the witness stand, squealing like the pink, plump porker that he is.

If the Dems didn't care what the Republicans might say about them as much as George W. Bush doesn't care what the American people say about him, we might be able to do something with our congressional majorities.

If the Dems were more like George W. Bush, he and his henchmen would be long gone.

So, how 'bout it, Dems - why not 'cowboy up' and be more like Bush? It certainly hasn't impeded his agenda any!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

No New Taxes.

I'm just sayin'.

Gen. Petraeus - Bush's 'Main Man'


Lately I have been so busy and stressed that everything I do has been less than my best. Trying to juggle kids (home on vacation), a teaching job, various gigs, and my book, I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to be everything to everyone. This results in everything I do being, well, half-baked and unsatisfactory. And hovering over all is the fear that I wouldn't be able to finish my book in time.

I was optimistic that I would be able to write my book quickly because when I was doing the majority of it I was in Tampa visiting my dad, where I had no day-to-day responsibilities. I was able to write 4 chapters in a couple of weeks. But at home, everything is different. I found that I needed at least 4 or 5 uninterrupted hours to 'cogitate' about my subject matter before I could produce any output.

I'm ADD - not in the 'oops, I forgot' sense that so many people mistake for ADD, but the 'can't go to college or hold down a regular job' sense. Things that most people take for granted, organization-wise, are incomprehensible to me. Once I was diagnosed, I was able to structure my environment so that I could be productive, working with the way my brain works instead of against it, and now I see it as an asset, not a liability. I love being ADD because I can approach things in ways most people can't; I can learn (or teach myself) in ways most people can't. I'm not complaining about my ADD. It takes me to the places I want to go.

But one thing I don't have is a set of filters. I can't have music or TV on as 'background noise'. I almost never listen to music for enjoyment, because it sucks up every bit of my attention and prevents me from doing or thinking about anything else. It's a deep, dark pit I fall into that I can only climb out of with great difficulty. The only way I can work productively is in complete silence and isolation. For me (and I guess for a lot of other writers) it is analogous to building a house of cards. I have to place one idea on top of another to get a structure going, and the slightest interruption causes the whole thing to collapse and I have to start all over again.

The way my life is when I'm home is, as you might guess, not exactly conducive to this style of working. I can't just do a half-hour here, 45 minutes there, 2 hours in the afternoon and an hour before bed. It doesn't work that way for me. So I began to despair of being able to finish the book when my publisher wanted it, which was somewhere in the middle of August. And the crazy-making thing about it was that I knew I could finish it in 2 weeks if I was isolated for those two weeks. However, my husband has been going in and out of town for work and my own teaching schedule has its demands, as do my kids. I can't just ignore them, nor would I want to. So it might as well be a year on a private island for all the possibility of that happening.

My publisher, though, has given me a reprieve! Now I have till January to go to press, using this time to finish up, flesh it out the way I'd like to with more interviews, and ramping up my platform so that the time the book is out in March people might know who I am :-). The company has a new distributor that they are excited about and who is very familiar with this kind of book.

Needless to say, this has taken the weight of the world off of my shoulders. I've been able to relax for the first time in 6 months without thinking "I'm supposed to be doing something and I'm way behind!" Now I can give what I need to give to my kids and my job without that sense of impending doom - the kind you feel at 5 in the morning when you can't sleep and the alarm clock is going to go off in another hour. And I can work on mt book without feeling that I have to rush through it and just get it done, but give each chapter the attention it deserves.

I can breathe again. Maybe even blog again!