President Bush, you got me fair and square.
For a long time, I had you all fooled.
I was sure I could get away with it. After all, who would suspect me, a middle-aged mother of 4 of Irish-English descent, of being part of a terrorist network? It was brilliant in its simplicity (or was it simple in its brilliancy?) I could call all my Al-Qaeda controllers from the comfort of my home phone, and no one would be the wiser! The airport surveillance, the border security - it meant nothing to me. While I may have appeared to be calling my friends and family, having phone sex, or ordering attractive, yet moderately-priced jewelry on QVC - I was really conversing with my fellow America-Hating Traitors! Plotting the overthrow of our American way of life, sabotaging Christianity, concocting secret plans to destroy all that is good and righteous. I was so close!
And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling President!
But that wily, foresighted President saw right through it. I had the gullible, lily-livered liberals completely snowed, but not The Decider! Nossir! That bold, brave man knew all along what I was up to. While the namby-pamby, gutless moonbats wrung their dainty hands and whimpered about 'civil liberties', the Fourth Amendment, and so on, the President crisply decided to 'cut the Gordian knot', so to speak, and, brushing away pesky laws and inconvenient restraints like so many cobwebs, delivered a crushing blow to me and my 199,999,999 co-conspirators. The "United States of Allah"? Not on his watch!
Fortunately, Halliburton is busily constructing 'detention centers' to hold us all!
Those guys think of everything.